Life after strokes. I had a nasty shock recently. A very nasty shock indeed, and unexpected, although the signs had been coming. And not been recognised. And when it hit I was literally floored.
In early May I had a stroke. You see the ads on the TV, what they look like, what to do. It didn’t happen like that, and it passed very quickly.
Then it returned 2 hours later. Worse. Ambulance time. A shock for my flat mate.
I could hardly use my right arm or leg again. I think my speech was affected. Hospital bag quickly prepared. The ambulance automatic blood pressure machine could not measure my blood pressure. It was read using the manual machine. So high it was an automatic blue light trip to hospital, to sit in the major injury outpatients awaiting a bed on the ward. The bedside BP machine was permanently flashing red as it was so far above safe levels. I was not allowed to get off the bed apart from to use the commode. I was under close observation.
I was alone but not scared for some reason, I did not know what to expect. I’d missed the warning signs. Tiredness, headaches, feeling over hot, stressed after recent changes at work. And here I was. I don’t want to bother you with all the rather scary details, but I spent a week on the stroke ward, with medication, scans, regaining the use of my right side, then losing it again, regaining it, being visited by friends, suffering from the lack of sleep of early hospital mornings.
Dependent on others. I was discharged back home to recover once considered well enough.
I returned the following evening to outpatients on the advice of 999 as my blood pressure was still very high, and got new medication to try to sort that, and was only allowed out when it was low enough.
However I was re-admitted to hospital a week later, following another stroke, despite taking care of myself I thought. Maybe it was the medication settling but my blood pressure had remained high. This time I was scared and rang a friend who kindly came with me in the ambulance, blue lights again.
She had heard fear in my slurred voice, and initially had problems understanding me. The hospital bag was ready. Once again I had to regain the use of my right side, was initially bed bound for over 24 hours. I was so glad I was ambidextrous as I could use my left hand until my right hand started recovering. My mother looked very worried when my brother brought her in. After another few days I was out again, but I still required a lot of help. And I’d come off very lightly compared to some I saw.
My friends and family were worried naturally, and I relied on them heavily for lots of things including contacting work initially (poor phone signal in hospital), shopping, trips to hospital, church.
All the basics. For several weeks.
I had to be careful with limiting fatigue even doing short walks, painting, practicing writing, crafting. Everything. The stroke support team, also had to help with advice.
A stroke is scary. You cannot see the damage, apart from what it does on the outside. It destroys connections in the brain, so new ones need to be made. And this takes time and energy. Thus the long term fatigue. Learning again, like a baby.
So frustrating.
And you must avoid pushing yourself too much. And it can so frustrating how others can treat you, limiting what you do, when you feel you can do more. Small steps are good, like short walks to longer walks, and feeling less exhausted. Regaining typing and writing skills, crocheting and knitting again, for longer, shopping independently, if only very small shops and locally, painting more easily. Seeing thoughts in my mind again, well sometimes.
Challenges remain, like the new medication regime for life, transport until I am cleared to drive again, confirmation that my blood pressure is stable, and telling my worried family I am feeling better, doing exercises to regain strength. For a short while after when I called friends I had to reassure them I am fine, and don’t need to be taken hospital!!!
Returning to work was good after a couple of months, and I did have support. But it was a struggle, increasing the hours to full time hours after a couple of months (greatly helped by remote working), remembering the systems and where they were, maintaining focus, and getting to sites without a car where required. Travelling and socialising does take energy. I can’t say it was without stress.
It has been a learning curve but I have learnt many things. I have good friends who have helped me in ways big and small, more help will be needed I am sure, but less. I am recovering what I can do. I can go on holidays and other events safely. I have people who will listen. Finally I must look after myself, not go at full tilt, take time to relax. Am I all the way to how I was? No, I must find new routes in my brain to get there, and recover.
Will I ever fully recover? Physically possibly. Mentally, I will never forget what I have been through.
My final message – you can have strokes at any age, they are scary and recovery is not easy, full recovery not always possible. Try to take care of yourself to minimise the risk.
Footnote from the Editor
Jo is one of a select few, who have been chosen to become a Featured Columnist for The Maverick Paradox Magazine. You can read all her articles by clicking below.
