Shining the light on your bad boss traits. We don’t set out to be a bad boss. It often creeps in quite slowly. We have a bad day, a challenging project, a difficult employee, or possibly even a bad boss ourselves. And then a sinking feeling hits you: Have you become the bad boss that you had always dreaded?
Sound familiar? I’d be surprised if it didn’t because, according to a survey we conducted, 99.6% of people have had a bad boss. I believe this is happening because of a lack of awareness, not being aware of the big and little things that we say and do that cause us to be a bad boss.
To illustrate this, let me share with you a story of awareness that happened to me many years ago when I was a new manager:
I had been in my role for about three months when one of my employees asked if they could have a private conversation with me. They looked upset and nervous, so I stopped what I was doing, and we found a quiet place to talk. After what felt like an hour, they blurted out that the team that I was managing had formed what they called the “Debra Corey Support Group.” The group met every Friday, and they shared stories of how I had upset them during the week, and for some, how I had made them cry.
You can imagine the shock I felt as I heard this, as well as the deep embarrassment that I had done this to my people. In my defence, I had just moved from the U.S. to the U.K., and what little I knew about managing was from my American bosses, who had a very different style to those managing in the U.K. But even so, how could I not have known that my management style and approach were causing such problems?
The good news is that this story had a happy ending. Fueled with an awareness of my bad boss traits, I accepted them and worked on developing management skills that were culturally acceptable and right for my people. And speaking of my people, this team became one of the strongest and most effective ones I have ever managed, and I am forever grateful for their honesty in helping me become a better boss.
“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Monk
This story highlights the difference awareness can make to you as a boss. For me, had I not been made aware of what I had been doing wrong, who knows the problems I could have caused to my people and ultimately to my company. This awareness was my light bulb moment, shining the light on what I was doing wrong so that I could get it right.
In our book (Bad Bosses Ruin Lives: The Building Blocks for Being a Great Boss) we talk about awareness in terms of bad bosses, highlighting the ten types of bad bosses that exist in the workplace, the negative impact that each can have on your people, and awareness of if/how they relate to you as a boss.
As you read each, I encourage you to be open-minded and honest with yourself. Start by thinking, “Is this me?” instead of putting up your defenses and thinking, “Nah, it couldn’t possibly be me.” Think of it as an opportunity and not a punishment. Embrace and don’t ignore these bad boss traits, for that will take you one step closer to being a great boss.
- The Avoider doesn’t show up for their people, not giving them the time and attention they need to do their job and feel valued. They also avoid providing feedback, leaving their people in an endless loop of trying to figure out if they should continue doing what they’ve been doing, change directions, or give up completely.
- The Ignorer doesn’t listen to what their people have to say, ignoring their input, ideas, and perspectives. They also don’t give them the time and space to speak up, and by doing this miss out on what they have to say and contribute, making them feel undervalued.
- The Hoarder withholds and keeps information to themselves, not sharing what their people desperately want and need. If they do share information, often it’s done in ways that ignore and/or don’t address and meet their people’s needs, missing out on valuable pieces of the “puzzle.”
- The Unappreciater doesn’t show their people recognition or gratitude for the good and great work they’re doing and the contributions they’re making. From a simple thank you to a more formal show of appreciation, they’re missing out on making their people feel valued and seen.
- The Pretender withholds the truth and any discomfort it could cause others in an attempt to please and be nice to them, giving answers they feel are wanted, and failing to give them the honesty they need and deserve. By pretending that everything is OK and avoiding conflicts or discomfort, this boss is withholding information that could help their people do their jobs even better or be happier and more productive at work.
- The Blocker prevents or gets in the way of their people’s development and career progression, blocking them from achieving their goals, mastering new skills, or contributing to the company’s success. They also can obstruct the visibility and voice of their people, not standing up for and being an advocate for them.
- The Firefighter deals with situations in a reactive and urgent manner, moving people from fire to fire with no apparent strategy. This impacts their ability to plan, learn, grow, and achieve more meaningful and long-term achievements. being stuck in an exhausting cycle of fighting one fire after another.
- The Micromanager is overly involved in their people’s work, constantly controlling and prescribing what and how work is done. They don’t give their people the time, space, and autonomy to perform, which can leave them resentful, resistant, and frustrated.
- The Blamer assigns responsibility to people for a fault or wrong, casting blame and refusing to take any accountability themselves. It can lead to a variety of unhelpful and harmful emotions, such as resentment, anger, and defensiveness.
- The Coercer uses power to bully, control, and coerce processes and outcomes, expecting strict compliance in what, when, and how their people do their work. This can create a culture of fear, which can have a toxic effect on how their people act and feel.
Keep in mind that when it comes to these traits, it’s not all or nothing. You could have some of the traits but not others. Also, it’s not either/or, you could be more than one type of bad boss. For most of us, we have a mix of the traits of multiple types of bad (and good) bosses. They’re not mutually exclusive. Next, it’s not static, as we frequently move from one type of boss to another as situations change at our company, with our people, and even with ourselves.
And finally, know that even great bosses will have bad boss traits sometimes!
