The mental toughness paradox. Nowadays, we read and talk a lot about mental toughness. The mental toughness concept, in its current form, is relatively new. It was developed by Dr Jim Loehr in the 1990s. In 2002, Professor Peter Clough created the MTQ48 framework for measuring mental toughness.
However, its key aspects are thousands of years old and are rooted in ancient history. For example:
- You can find ideas about focused breathing to achieve mental strength in many martial arts, Buddhism, Zen meditation and yoga;
- positive thinking is present in Taoist philosophy, the Stoic meditations of the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius and the works of the Greek philosopher, Epictetus;
- Using meditation to visualise ideal outcomes was one of the methods used by the classical Athenian philosopher Socrates;
- ancient Greeks and Romans knew how to use body language (eye contact, facial expressions, better posture and other means of non-Verbal communication) to build self-confidence and mental strength.
These examples suggest that mental toughness is not the same as resilience, although they are closely linked together.
While resilience is our ability to adapt and bounce back from adversity, mental toughness is our ability to respond better to the challenges we face regardless of our circumstances. In other words, it is a combined measure of our personal resilience and confidence which may predict our success in different areas of life.
David Goggins, a retired U.S. Navy SEAL and an author of “Can’t Hurt Me” is considered to be the toughest man on the planet. He was born into a dysfunctional family and was facing numerous personal obstacles. Goggins transformed his life by toughening his mind and pushing himself beyond his limits. One of his well-known quotes is: “I don’t stop when I’m tired. I stop when I’m done.”
In his book “Developing Mental Toughness,” Clough described four important domains of mental toughness which he called the four Cs:
- Commitment – your focus and reliability, your ability to set goals and establish habits and routines to achieve your goals reliably and consistently without being distracted.
- Control (includes life control and emotional control) – the extent to which you feel that you are in charge of your life and that you can make a difference and change things.
- Challenge – your drive and adaptability, your tendency to see challenges as opportunities rather than threats.
- Confidence (includes confidence in own abilities and interpersonal confidence) – your self-belief and ability to engage with, and influence, others.
The Control and Commitment domains together represent the resilience part of the concept of mental toughness (i.e. the ability to bounce back from setbacks and adversity).
The Challenge and Confidence scales together represent the confidence part of the concept of mental toughness (i.e. the ability to spot and seize opportunities).
The four Cs of mental toughness are underpinned by emotional intelligence. The good news is that we can enhance all of them.
Does it mean that we all should aim to develop a maximum mental toughness? Probably not, because, like many things in life, mental toughness has its dark side.
In her article, Susan Krauss Whitbourne pointed out at the high price of extreme mental toughness in terms of its potential impact on our physical and psychological health (the latter includes mental health, emotional health, social health and spiritual health) as some mentally tough people may pursue their goals regardless of who or what gets in their way.
A research paper published by Sarah Sabouri and her colleagues in 2016, pointed out that a so called dark triad – the combination of Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy were significantly associated with higher mental toughness scores.
Michael Onley and his colleagues argued that there is a genetically-informed link between the dark triad and mental toughness – our scheming ancestors, who were determined to survive at any cost, are to blame for this. Interestingly, according to other research, males exhibit more strongly dark triad tendencies, scoring higher on all three traits when compared to females. Some researchers argued that cultural concepts of masculinity and femininity, and more specifically negative sexist stereotypes, are responsible for the prevalence of the dark triad traits in men. These stereotypes also help to create corporate environments where destructive leaders gain power and hold onto it.
Does this mean that all mentally tough people are devious narcissists and psychopaths? Not at all. According to research, when those dark personality traits are present in moderation and are accompanied by self-awareness and a desire to change, they are associated with positive outcomes such as increased physical activity, higher academic achievements, work success and lower levels of depression symptoms and perceived stress.
So, it is worth putting some effort into developing mental toughness. But beware! It is no mean feat. As David Goggins pointed out, “The only way to gain mental toughness is to do things you are not happy doing. If you continue doing things that you are satisfied and make you happy, you are not getting stronger. You are staying where you are at. Either you are getting better, or you are getting worse. You are not staying the same!”
There are many ways and strategies to build mental toughness. In his book “Can’t Hurt Me”, David Goggins sets the following ten challenges for people who want to push their limits and develop mental and physical toughness:
- Face your bad hand – write down everything about the “bad hand” you were dealt in life and present-day factors that are hindering your growth and success.
- Create your accountability mirror – a mirror decked out in Post-It notes with all your insecurities, dreams, and goals written on them. Every time you reach one of your goals or conquer one of your insecurities, remove the Post-It note from the mirror.
- Step outside your comfort zone – write down the things you don’t like to do, things that make you uncomfortable. Then, start to take tiny steps towards doing these things.
- Beat your opponent – identify who your opponent is and work harder than ever before to make them watch you achieve what they could never have done themselves.
- Visualise success – visualise your own personal successes as well as the challenges you may face getting there and how you overcome them. This will also help you develop a “you can’t hurt me” attitude.
- Stock your cookie jar – write down accomplishments which you have achieved and obstacles you have overcome. When you need motivation, take a “cookie” out of the jar to remind yourself about your achievements and strengths.
- Overcome your governor – that little voice in your head that may hold you back from reaching your full potential. “Push past your normal stopping point”.
- Schedule Your Time – master scheduling your time in 15 or 30-minute blocks (you can use more than one blocks for the tasks that need it). Review your schedule regularly to optimise your time and effort.
- Dare to be great – don’t give in to complacency. Instead, continuously strive for more, always put obstacles in front of you in order to become the best of the best of the best.
- Learn from your failure – write down the good things that came out of your failures and how you dealt with them. Go through that list and make a new set of Post-It notes with things you can fix and new goals for your accountability mirror. Reflect on your learning from previous challenges to help you achieve those goals.
In his article 13 Habits of Mentally Tough People, Brent Gleeson wrote: “Mental toughness is not an innate quality bestowed upon a select few. It can be achieved and enjoyed by all but requires intentional practice. So get after it!”
A good executive coach can help you develop your mental toughness without slipping into the trap of the dark triad traits.
