What makes people feel confident? Especially when alone in social situations?
I am out to lunch. Alone. Sitting in my favourite restaurant enjoying the food and atmosphere and observing people!
Great conversation with a waitress about being comfortable to “eat alone”. It has got me wondering just what is it that helps individuals feel so completely comfortable to go into crowded places and enjoy the whole experience, alone? I am also wondering why more people do not do it.
One of the reasons is that society dictates that we should be in pairs or groups, often in even numbers. Everything is evenly numbered, for example fairground rides, restaurant tables, seats on public transport and so on. 2 4 6 8 nothing odd numbered.
In the restaurant where I was dining, I was greeted with the offer of getting a drink whilst I waited for my friends. Why is that? I am here! I booked my table; I booked the table for one and I requested a specific table and yet it was set for two. Is society so unwilling to embrace individuals?
We enter this world alone and we leave it alone. Our time should be accepted, embraced, and encouraged whether we are alone or in company.
As we come out of lockdown there will be some people who want to do things and yet are lacking confidence when alone in social situations. The 5 tips below are designed to help you feel at ease on your own in any social situation
- Know who you are and what you want
Knowing you can choose the right places for you, what do you want to get out of your experience of eating alone, holidaying alone, going to a concert alone and any other social situation? Through knowing what brings you enjoyment and happiness you can choose your environment with much more clarity.
- Be comfortable and happy in your own company
That takes practise and a desire to be comfortable when out socially on your own. No more FOMO (fear of missing out). Get happy with your own company then confidence will grow. Desire is the driver. Desire to stand in your own power. What then follows is being completely relaxed in your own company. If you are relaxed in your own company then others will be relaxed in your company.
- Choose the atmosphere you want to be in when you want to be in it
Atmosphere is everything to me. I thrive in a buzzing environment, and it recharges my batteries. Going out alone socially in an upbeat environment is what I want. The chatter and buzz feed my soul. The louder the better! What atmosphere do you want?
- Be happy in the company of couples and groups
We can learn a lot from couples, both positive and negative. Sometimes the best conversations are those we have with complete strangers. That is my experience – and I do many things alone including going to the theatre and concert trips, travelling extensively internationally, dining out from Michelin restaurants to gastro pubs, staying in hotels across the world and other varied activities. Couples are far more likely to interact with you as an individual person. When recently holidaying alone in the UK I was enjoying the company and conversation of one such couple when it seemed, quite out of the blue, I was asked …”do you always holiday alone?” I had to think about the question because until then, I had been unaware that I was on my own.
- Be open and willing to put yourself in new social situations
If you choose a new situation remain in the present moment. Burying your head in a book or being glued to your phone means you are missing out on the experience.
Soak up the buzz, smile at people, remain approachable as well as approaching others.
During the pandemic both in and out of lockdown almost on a weekly basis I have had some amazing, long, interesting, and deep conversations with complete strangers.
Even if you have lots of people around you regularly its healthy to do things alone. It brings a different perspective and experience to your relationship, to family dynamics and to friendships. It keeps your mind open and encourages you to think about things differently.
That is a healthy mindset and attitude from which everyone can benefit. Enjoy the opening from the Pandemic and dare to do something new, alone.