I kept showing up: thriving through divorce – ADHD and menopause. 2020 was a wild year for everyone, with it being the peak of Covid. However the pandemic paled into comparison to the multiple simultaneous life crises I was navigating, including the breakdown of my marriage to the father of my children. My ex and I separated in January 2020, and little did I know how horrifically difficult the next few months would be, with us still living under the same roof while I tried to buy my own house.
I faced numerous Covid-related delays to my house purchase. With little family other than my two boys and sister, who was living in South Korea at the time, I had no financial backup. In addition, my local friends were not supportive despite me repeatedly asking for a socially distanced walk, or a Zoom call, or just any help at all, leaving me to navigate a wildly traumatic and difficult situation on my own.
My mental health was appalling. All my positive coping strategies – seeing friends, going to the gym, and going to gigs had been lost. I refocused my efforts on yoga, Kickfit via Zoom, plus as much walking as I could get away with in the designated one hour we were allowed out a day. Often, I did all three in one day. My eating had become disordered, mirroring the struggles I had in my childhood, so by the time I finally moved into my house in September 2020, I weighed less than I had done since I was 18, and was not at all healthy.
All this occurred against a backdrop of injustice and inequality around the world. The Black Lives Matter movement gathered pace and found prominence. Climate change was being talked about more and more. There were stark differences in how governments around the world handled Covid. The UK government’s approach was deeply flawed and marred with scandals like Partygate. It was a highly reflective time for the world, with more time on our hands and a different perspective. When I wasn’t seeing the injustice in my own life, I saw it all around me.
Slowly, I started to rebuild my life in my new home. But while life was getting easier in some ways, the problems hadn’t finished surfacing. I was trying to maintain my graphic design business, Studio Bifrost, while dealing with increasing personal challenges. My eight-year old started having violent meltdowns, which my six-year old imitated. This continued when they returned to school, but that led to our ‘aha’ moment, with the SENCOs suggesting we get my eldest assessed for Autism and ADHD. This kickstarted a series of family diagnoses.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in February 2023, my eldest was diagnosed with autism in May 2023, my ex-husband later that year, and we’re on the pathway to having my youngest assessed.
It’s likely that this additional assessment will take years. In the explosion of diagnoses, the system is struggling to cope, and many diagnosed and undiagnosed children and adults are again being left without support. My own diagnosis has sparked feelings of anger because the reason I hadn’t been diagnosed is simply because ADHD wasn’t researched in women and girls. I had recognised hyperactive traits in myself at age 10, but it took until age 41 to get the diagnosis. And you can imagine what a lifetime of being “too much”, “not enough”, “too talkative”, “too fidgety” and “too unfocused” will do to your self-perception!
As if a late diagnosis of neurodivergence wasn’t enough, in September 2022 I experienced devastating health symptoms – exhaustion which prevented me from working full time, blurred vision, brain fog, dizziness and headaches. Anxiety and depression started to surface, reaching suicidal ideation. I couldn’t work. I could barely look after my children. I was fortunate in that I have a wonderful partner who I had just moved in with, and he picked up the slack with chores and childcare, and validated my symptoms. It was clear something was definitely very wrong.
Eventually, I realised my symptoms were cyclical and took my suspicions about early perimenopause to my GP. Thankfully – because I really don’t think I’d still be here without it – I got HRT. I was extremely lucky, as my debilitating symptoms started lifting within hours. I’ve since learned it’s quite common for neurodivergent uterus owners to have a really tough time during menopause – information it might have been useful to have earlier, so I know what to look out for!
All this taught me that I had to rebuild my graphic design business in a way that was sustainable for me. I have always been passionate about doing things the right way for clients, but it’s so clear that my wellbeing is just as important as serving our clients well. If I’m not healthy, how can I ensure Studio Bifrost is consistently creating effective branding and marketing materials for our clients?
I made significant changes to my business.
- I started working with an ADHD coach to learn how to play to my strengths, improve my work life balance, and manage my energy more effectively.
- I appointed a business manager to support me with task management and prioritisation, helping me to channel my energy productively and avoiding burnout
- I’ve taken a more moderate approach to fitness and exercise, making it relaxing rather than obsessive
- I track my symptoms, so I understand my cycles, my triggers, and can adjust my routine and HRT as needed
- I also discovered I’m gluten intolerant, so I’ve adapted my diet which has helped my health enormously
While these changes hugely helped my business, it wasn’t enough – it wasn’t the true balance I was looking for when I first established the agency in 2013. Fuelled by the injustices I had seen and personally experienced over the last few years, it became increasingly obvious that I wanted to make changes to the world beyond my experiences.
The world is broken, and we need to fix it.
I explored ways in which I can marry my creativity with my passion for positive progress, helping others to change the world while surviving ADHD, menopause, and parenting a neurodivergent family.
Studio Bifrost has evolved to become officially purpose-led, drawing on my knowledge of neurodiversity to work in a more neuro-inclusive way. I’ve involved myself more in communities for divorced mums, menopausal women and people with ADHD – finally finding my tribe in the ADHD community. It has given me validation that there is nothing wrong with me, and that I was never too much or not enough. We make the most sustainable purchasing choices possible, and choose purpose-led organisations and businesses to work with.
For others facing similar challenges while running a business, here’s what helped me survive and ultimately thrive:
- Listen to your body – If something feels wrong, keep pushing for answers from medical professionals. I did this with both my ADHD and menopause symptoms.
- Find your support system – When my local friends weren’t there for me, I found new communities online.
- Get professional help – Hiring a business manager was crucial. Don’t try to do everything yourself, especially during personal crises.
- Make your wellbeing a priority – I learned the hard way that if I’m not healthy, my business can’t thrive. Build in rest time and establish clear boundaries.
- Adapt your working practices – I’ve embraced more neuro-inclusive working methods and moved meetings to Teams/Zoom to better manage my energy.
- Keep showing up – Even on the hardest days with the boys, or when perimenopause was at its worst, I kept going. But I also learned when to rest.
