Mysterious world of autistic needs – an introduction to how autistic people like to be treated
Picture these 2 scenarios
Gathering – Lots of noise and movement, eat whatever you are given even if you hate it, be sociable at all times, no time out allowed. Be criticised for showing stress and not adhering to required social expectations, even when feeling ill.
A lunch social – quiet/ relaxed, being given food made just for you as hosts have been forewarned of food hatreds, allowed to sit and just listen, silence accepted. Accepted for being there as you are.
Very different experience of social events. Which do you think I enjoyed and why?
The second, my needs were discussed, met and understood. My needs as an undiagnosed autistic female child, advocated by an understanding parent. An uncommon occurrence in a confusing world not made for me, physically and mentally, trying to understand expectations.
Leaving me feeling like an outsider, an awkward, selfish alien when I advocated my needs. Autism is a condition affecting how the world is seen, understood and interacted with. Affecting the needs of autistic individuals.
So what am I talking about, and why so important relating to how autistic people like to be treated? It took a while to narrow this down to a few essential needs based on my experiences on how to recognise and reduce the stress. And ultimately move forward towards understanding and the development of relationships and growth.
These needs relate to many parts of life experiences – school, family, work, friends, neighbourhoods. And affect mental and physical wellbeing, due to masking to fit in.
There may be some elements of overlap, but I hope this will be clear why. And please remember – once you know one autistic person, you know one autistic person, each with preferred approaches. Which may change for no obvious reason.
Social belonging
Ever felt different, not accepted, excluded? This may be in a social group, work team or educational setting. Just for being yourself. Not knowing what to say. Told you are anti-social, or worse, shut out for some unknown reason. Having been bullied at school and work, and struggled to fit in socially at work I know how bad this can feel. So how to help social belonging?
1. ‘Correct’ levels of communication – accept when there is a lot or a little, work with it.
2. Individuals on edges of groups – not knowing how to join in. Invite in, actively include.
3. Overtalking on obsession – no ‘small talk’, ‘normal’ talk. Listen for a bit, show interest, it is an insight into a person.
4. Overwhelm – allow time out, accept back in, no questions.
5. Social ‘errors’ – explain, discuss, accept. Support, not condemn.
Considering the above and maybe more and will help autistic individual feel more a part of a social group. Actively support and advise them, without being too sharp.
Physical and environmental factors
Ever felt forced to wear clothes that made your feel so itchy, uncomfortable, unnatural? Or in an environment too busy, bright, noisy? Had to mask stress to act happy to please others? Then criticised for over reacting or sulking? Welcome to the autistic world, with over or under sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells, touch and texture. And this can change for no apparent reason leading to meltdowns or shutdowns, too often misinterpreted as tantrums or sulking.
1. Clothes – within reason accept clothing preferences, adjust where possible. One workplace top was too scratchy necessitating a smooth top underneath.
2. Overwhelm communicated by meltdowns/shutdowns – Down time from noise, sound, socialisation.
3. Food – allow flexibility where possible for known major dislikes. Politeness over needs just causes stress, worsening the situation.
4. Eye shutting – accept light sensitivity and coping mechanisms, work around it.
5. Exhaustion, possibly from masking – is real. Time out, mentally if not physically possible helps.
Taking time to understand with autistic needs, accepting what we say is real, not forcing politeness over needs will provide an insight into this mysterious world.
Self-esteem and recognition of strengths
This links to the above points, positive and negatives of how an autistic individual develops and grows intellectually. The below highlights some aspects which prevent confidence developing and individual’s strengths being recognised and developed.
1. Overprotection – Constricts growth. Advice but allowing individuals to make mistakes, learn their way, allows skills to grow.
2. Feel talked down to – reducing input. Take time to openly discuss, their speed and way. Actively listen.
3. Obsessions/ interests – we love talking about them, small talk is not understood. Recognising and considering how best to use these strengths.
4. Little said, slower responses – processing information and not feeling we will be heard. Overcome with active listening, understanding and support.
5. Eye contact – none, or different, is easily misunderstood as lack of interest, engagement. Accept this and use other forms of communication.
Looking beyond the more obvious deficits that autism is explained by, and seeing the possibilities beyond helps organisations best use and develop the skills of autistic individuals.
How to move forward, understand the inner world
Take time to understand autistic individuals, be they family, friends, work colleagues, passing acquaintances. Individuals who have struggled to fit in naturally, feeling like aliens, outsiders in a world full of variable expectations not clear to them. Consider how to help them belong in the society with needs accepted and discussed, valued as themselves and allowed to grown their way.
Open, non-judgemental interaction.
