Finding myself in a world full of perfectly packaged boxes: self-discovery in business after motherhood. 11 years after proclaiming that I didn’t want any more children, I found myself broody once more and back on one of the most transformative journeys possible- creating new life!
I’m an ambitious woman and I run Dauntless PR which is a fast-paced agency for personal brands. By this point my teenage daughters were mostly independent and my business was experiencing rapid growth. As excited as I was about my business, I couldn’t help but envision this little soul who wanted to come through. I wouldn’t describe myself as a highly spiritual person, but I kept having vivid dreams where I would see this little boy. I described him in depth before he was born – his looks, personality, mannerisms, everything and I felt what I can only describe as a loss because he wasn’t actually here.
3 years later, I gave birth to the little boy who I recognised from my dreams and had an instant connection. I was both exhilarated and intimidated and that brings us to what I describe as my ‘who am I?’ phase.
From the very first day I set up my business I have been encouraging personal brands to be authentic, to embrace who they truly are and to shine a light on the things that make them unique. Not to try and fit into a pretty little box with a label on like society dictates yet I found myself doing exactly that.
Trying to define myself and confusing myself in the process …
You see, I love Gucci and I also love buying clothes from charity shops. I love luxury holidays and I also love camping in the wild. I love being around people and I also love being on my own. I love being active and adventurous and I also love lazy days! I love being in the spotlight and I also love hiding under a duvet watching Netflix. I love doing crazy stuff that gets my adrenaline going and I love snuggling up with a book or a movie. I love nonsensical funny conversations and I also love deep and meaningful conversations. I felt like I was a walking contradiction.
Having been consistent with my personal development, suddenly it dropped on a deep level.
There are so many layers to me, and I can honour each and every one. I don’t have to choose to like this thing or that thing or to be luxury or wild, introvert or extrovert, adrenaline junkie or book worm, mother or entrepreneur … I can be all of it.
And suddenly I got angry.
Why are we conditioned this way? Why are we brought up with the lie that to be enough we have to suppress certain aspects of ourselves in case we are ‘too much’ for people? Why should we define ourselves in clear cut terms to make it easier for people to understand us? Their thoughts had always been there but now they were magnified.
I redefined my brand’s messaging to peel off another layer. To un-filter myself on a whole new level. Physically, I bought new clothes that I loved – a combination of designer and thrift store. Some rock chick and some super elegant because I don’t have to choose only one style. I dyed my hair blue and purple and continued to wear red dresses without caring about, *gasp* my outfit clashing with my hair. I got my nose re-pierced and have never felt more like me than I do today.
As an indirect reflection of that, my business has also evolved. I’m more secure in myself and am able to say the things that need to be said without fear of rejection. I’m fine with being polarising, understanding that the more I repel the people who do not belong in my space the more I attract the people who do and I have tightened up my boundaries meaning that I have more time and energy to dedicate to the big picture stuff. This also means I’m having more fun and the world seems lighter.
